3-2-1 Row!

The old boat house of my day is long gone, replaced with a beautiful Olympic quality facility. The rowing movements, lingo and ritual that had been second nature once, have left me too. As I wander the boat house, I find our team picture on the wall, and smile. We were so young and when I let the familiar sounds and smells of the lake wash over me the year 1998 doesn’t seem so long ago. I watch as the current women’s team quietly walk their boat into the house with movements soldier-like and precise to the call of the coxswain. Once the boat is safely racked, all seriousness vanishes and they turn into girls again, laughing, giggling and talking about homework. At one time that was me, but I feel like a stranger here now. This shouldn’t surprise me. Once I graduated from college, I purposely walked away from rowing and haven’t looked back.

I wish I could tell you the reason I turned my back on a sport I loved so much. But I can’t, because there is no reason, at least no worthy reason. I had a stellar novice year. I loved my novice coach, the workouts and my team mates. I learned quickly and showed enough potential to be granted a partial scholarship. Some of my best memories were on this lake and rowing during my novice year was fantastic! However, it was the year after that broke me.

A less patient varsity coach, a more competitive team and high expectations unmet, left me disenchanted and emotionally spent. When criticized, I internalized every failure and tried to work harder, but my progress slowed. In the end, I was injured more, boated less and finally hurt myself enough to need medical attention. I tore a section of the intercostal muscles in my left rib cage while attempting a leg press I knew was too heavy. This injury ended my college rowing career. Though I hung on the last few months of the racing season and left school with a diploma, I felt like a complete failure.

I know I sound dramatic. It’s not like my Olympic dream was torn from me or anything, I just didn’t expect my last year of rowing to end so badly. In the years after graduation, I purposely avoided Master’s rowing opportunities; I ignored the emails from the CSUS Rowing Alumni and lost touch with my team mates. But it didn’t stop there; I let that feeling of failure and fear affect other areas of my life too. I am saddened thinking of the opportunities I let pass because I was afraid. Moral of this story: I let one bad experience define me and it was time to move on.

I stop my daydreaming and force myself to leave the safety of the boat house. I smile confidently and approach the other alumni waiting for practice. I relax as we chat and share our mutual fears before boating up and pushing off the dock. The oar feels familiar in my hands and the sound of the water comforts me as the boat wobbles down the course. This practice isn’t going to be pretty and there are challenges still to come, but I know I can do this. I know, because I have already done this and a hundred other things I never thought I could...until I tried.

Will I still be afraid sometimes? Of course! But I don't feel like a failure anymore. I am a good wife, loving mother, faithful friend and on top of all that, I am and have always been a dedicated athlete.

The Head of the American race is on October 30th, 2010 at the CSUS Aquatic Center - Lake Natoma. More details to come soon at http://www.sacstateaquaticcenter.com/ under special events.

Sincerely,
MM